The past three weeks we have been riding the waves of one of the worst storms of my life.
My first reaction was pure disorienting shock. We hadn’t battened down the hatches because the waters had been relatively calm, really. But a storm had been brewing, and it overtook us – suddenly, powerfully. It was shock like I had never experienced before, then fear, hope, anxiety, confusion, comfort, humility.
The thing about storms is once you’re caught up in one, you’re powerless. You aren’t going to problem-solve your way out of it. You grip the mast as hard as you can as the waves beat you on every side and fill up your humble little boat with water, and you do what it takes to survive.
There’s nothing like a storm that makes us feel our helplessness. We remember, “oh that’s right, I can’t do anything on my own.” Sometimes the reminder feels gentle, and other times it feels like a hurricane. But even in my powerlessness, the all powerful One is holding on to my family, and He is good. I have learned this, that even in the thunder and rain we can see His goodness. Maybe even especially so. Though my heart is heavy and there are weights on our shoulders, I know Jesus, the One whom even the wind and waves obey.
But even though I know Him and follow Him, my heart still fills up with fear and I try to shake Him awake so that He can see what terrible storm we’re weathering. But He already knows. So by the grace of God I look past the darkness of the waves and I fix my eyes on Him. And I wait for Him like I wait for the calm.